Wednesday, October 08, 2008

• Giving Up On Love

  Yesterday, my best friend (aka my twin, even though we're not biologically twins) sent me an email that broke my heart a little. She recently has been going through a bad breakup (from a really unhealthy relationship) and her parents are getting divorced. It contained the following:
  Gah. I wish this all had never happened. I have totally given up on love altogether now - I don't see the point, all men are the same. I told my dad that I am now a cynic and have already looked into what my options are for children since I'll never get married. I also told him that he and phil are the exact same - don't know how he's taking that bit of info. Gah. I miss you and wish you were here.
  
  
  This was my response (I wanted to share it because I'm not usually much of an optimist, but I think I made some valid points):
  you shouldn't give up on love. In fact, I know you think you already have, but you haven't. I'm not going to sugarcoat it and tell you that it will magically get better. You will be in a lot of pain for a long time. Time is the only thing that heals it, and even time can't heal it completely. And there will always be scar tissue. You may always have feelings for phil. I still have feelings for The Nice Guy. And for The Army Guy. And I probably always will. But that doesn't mean I want to get back together with them, nor does it mean I can't also love someone else (The Soulmate). Some people seem to think that love is finite. That you only have so much love to give. But I disagree. I don't think that loving someone prevents you from loving someone else.
  
  And you know how I KNOW you're going to love again? Because if everyone gave up on love after their first major heartbreak, the population would be dwindling a great deal, or at the very least marriage for love would be unheard of and it would all be arranged marriages. So few people marry their first love. I know you feel like your life is basically over right now, but I promise you it's not. You'll meet a good guy, who's much more attractive than Phil and treats you so much better. You might have a few more heartbreaks along the way, but I promise you that you will find love. Real love. The love that you deserve. Not one-sided, unhealthy love. You're still so young, my dear. And you're such a delightful human being that I just can't picture you ending up alone. You have plenty of time to find someone. And your first love will always be the hardest to move on from. But you will, eventually, move on.
  
  And not all men are the same. All men are stupid, yes. That will always be true just about. But there are some good guys out there amongst the plethora of assholes. I know I don't know a whole lot about your parents' situation, but I don't think you can compare your dad to Phil fairly. Phil never really tried. He never treated you right. Your dad put in years and years of marriage with your mom and I believe he tried to make it work. And, at least as far as I know, he never treated her the way Phil treated you. Maybe he didn't try hard enough but you can't compare him to Phil. Phil never even tried to try. Phil doesn't have respect for other people. Your dad has respect for other people. Don't take your anger at Phil out on your father. I know it's tough, but he's your dad and he loves you. Parents won't be around forever and you should try to spend as little time as possible on bad terms with them because when they're gone, you will regret it.
  

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