A friend and I went out for dinner last night and when I mentioned that I had gone on a couple dates recently, she immediately wanted to know how I had managed that because it's so darn hard to meet people in this city. Though I am hesitant to admit to my venture into online dating to some of my more judgmental friends, I decided to tell her. Her reaction was, surprisingly, "good for you. You're the most proactive person I know." But then she proceeded to say how she could never do online dating and then complain to me about how she could never meet anyone. Uuummm... Why don't you try being proactive too? There's an idea. Yes, it is hard to meet people. That's for sure. Especially once you're done with school and whatnot. It rarely just "happens." In order to meet people, you have to DO things.
Anyway, so I can understand people's hesitance to do the online dating thing. Honestly, I'm not sure how much longer I'm really going to keep it up either. But for those of you like my friend who won't even try it for one reason or another (her reasoning was that she's too judgmental) and if you're like me and you're kind of shy so it can be hard to talk to strangers in public, here are a few other ways you can use the vast resources of the internet to meet new people (albeit more in a friendship sense, but you never know when you're going to meet someone in a romantic sense either):
meetup.com - It's a site where you sign up for different groups of things you're interested in, and then they host periodic hang-outs/activities in your area based on that common interest. Some of the meet ups I joined were Lost (the TV show, where you get together and watch it at a bar), Live Music, Dodgeball and exploring New York. They have language/culture meetups, political meetups, you name it, they probably have it. Now, I haven't actually attended many of the meetups because I'm shy and don't want to go without someone I know. But if you're less shy than me, or go with a friend, I've heard they're a lot of fun. It's a great way to make new friends with common interests. My friend who I ate dinner with last night has now said she would go because she wants to meet people. There are also big meet up events that are not subject specific. I stumbled upon one in the park near my house last summer.
couchsurfing.com - For those of you who like to travel, this is the site for you. It's an online community in which you connect with people that will let you crash on their couch for free while traveling. The whole idea is to create this international community of travelers and reciprocal couch crashing. But if you don't want people crashing on your couch (my roommate would never allow it), that's ok too. You can still meet up with travelers in your area and show them around or do activities with them. Plus there's events for people (travelers and locals) in the area pretty frequently, so you can also meet people in your area. But this is a great way to meet people from around the world whose couch you could potentially crash on at a future date. Plus it sounds relatively safe, as they verify your identity and also people "vouch" for people.
newyorkcares.org - Volunteer. This is just one of a number of websites that post events for volunteers, where you go volunteer with a group. It's easy - you just sign up online and go. You pick the activities and dates that work for you and there's no monthly commitment. Find one for whatever region you live in and meet new people while doing good in the world. There are even dating services that hook you up on community service dates, so I'd say this is an indication that volunteering is a great way to meet other do-gooders with common interests. I myself am signed up for Big Brothers Big Sisters (though this is more of a time commitment) and they throw occasional events just for "Bigs" so you can meet each other and party together.
The
craigslist "strictly platonic" section - ok, so you're not going to find much there. But there are a few normal, nice people mixed in with all the crazies. I made four friends responding to people's ads (though I'm not sure I would recommend posting your own). Just be sure you email back and forth with the people and try to assess how crazy they are before you agree to hang out. Look for people with common interests who are relatively specific and not just like "hey, looking for cool people" (for me it was concerts and biking).
I'm sure there are a ton of other great sites that I'm missing. Please feel free to share them. Or other good ways of meeting new people.
Comments (9)
Online dating certainly is one way to meet people, although, I'm always a little hesitant because it's hard to tell who's truthful and who's not. Some online sites are more reliable than others, like eharmony and such.
Personally, I came across this site awhile back and it's called prosinthecity.com, it's a site for professionals in big cities like LA, Boston, NYC, etc. They have events in the city for single professionals and though I have never tried it, I have heard good reviews. Could be worth a try.
Online dating is not something I'm into, but I'm glad that you're being proactive! Once I started being more proactive, I definitely met a lot more people. One thing that worked well for me was to just go out a lot! Hang out with friends you don't hang out with all the time, meet their friends. Talk to people when you are at random places (I met a guy at my licensure exam!). I used to go to the salsa club every Thursday because it was free (normally I wouldn't suggest meeting people at clubs because they tend to be sketchy, but if you only talk to them when you are there (like I did) it's probably okay) and I met a ton of guys, just by dancing with them and meeting their friends. Go online if that's your thing, or if you prefer face-to-face get out and be friendly!
@LaBellaMorena - I totally go out a lot, but I'm really really shy so I rarely talk to people I don't know unless they come talk to me first (which only the sleezy guys seem to do... See my blog two posts ago. Haha). But yes, you're right. Through friends is the best way to go. It just seems like I know most of my friends' friends at this point, so I'm trying to make new friends who can introduce me to their friends. I also used to have a lot of success at parties, but my friends don't seem to throw parties much anymore. Everyone got sick of the mess.
@hopelessromantic - Yeah, sleazy guys are good for that, unfortunately. Do you ever feel like you are "using" your friends when you do that? Sometimes I do. Like when I go hang out with a friend, knowing that I am seriously hoping to meet new people by hanging out with them, I almost feel wrong for not going out with them for the sole purpose of enjoying their company. But then again, is it really wrong?
I tend to have pretty poor luck meeting *good* guys at parties. I'm actually a weird combination of shy and outgoing--it takes me a while to get comfortable, even if I have a friend there to help me navigate people and conversations. However, once I get comfortable, I'm practically a butterfly! Weird...
Not all guys are sleazy, I think some girls assume that since a guy is confident enough to approach them, then he must be sleazy. Yeah majority of the guys are straight assholes and are sleazy but there are a few who will approach a girl and actually be nice, i think the girl needs to give a little attention before judging right away whether or not he's sleazy
@SleepyHead - It's not that they approach us that makes them sleazy (hello, I want them to approach me!). It's HOW they approach us. Walking up to me and looking me up and down and saying "damn, you fine!" while perhaps mildly flattering does not make me want to date you. Even guys who have said things like "I just want to let you know that you're really beautiful" are sleazy to me because I feel like an object. Obviously, if they're approaching me, they think I'm attractive. No one goes "hmmm... that girl looks really intelligent and nice. I think I'm going to go talk to her." So I don't need them to tell me they're attracted to me. To me, that just means they want to have sex with me because all they are focusing on is my body and they can't seem to think of anything else interesting to talk about. If a guy approaches me and starts a conversation, then I will not think he's sleazy because he seems interested in getting to know my personality and not just my body. I do not write off any guy that approaches me. But it's all about the how.
@hopelessromantic - I understand what your saying. I didn't think most girls would take the "I think your beautiful" comment as something sleazy. So I may be wrong there. But for the most part, it's still tough. What is something a guy can say though? you know future reference purposes lol
Some great resources here. Im bout to go off and meet people now.
Oh yeah plentyoffish.com is a free dating site. Not sure if it would be categorized as a 'great' site but hey, it's a site. lol.