Why is it that only ugly guys seem to have the guts to actually approach girls? I suppose the attractive ones don't have to anymore... Thanks feminism (that's a rant for another day though). While I'm all for being able to ask a guy out and being able to approach men without being deemed a harlot, it seems like a lot of guys have gotten a little too used to it and don't want to do any of the work anymore. So now the only guys that approach girls in public situations are either ugly, sleazy or both. The hot ones just wait for you to come to them. It's pretty rare that I see an attractive, normal guy go talk to a girl he doesn't know anymore outside of maybe the clubs where they're just looking for one night stands (although that would put them back in the sleazy category now that I'm thinking about it). And I'm not saying I want guys coming up to me like "hey baby. You lookin' fine" or "Do you have a quarter because I need to call my mamma and tell her that I met an angel" (that would be classified as sleazy). I just want guys to come start a conversation. It's like they're incapable of that. It's either don't talk to a girl at all and just stare, or go tell use some cheesy pick up line and them they're hot and whistle at them, making them feel like a piece of meat. Where's the pleasant conversation?! Where's the getting to know you? At first I thought maybe that was just New York, but I have been doing a bit of traveling this year and it's starting to seem like a more universal reality. What happened to the days of courting where a guy came "calling" to your house with flowers and you sat in the parlor and talked and got to know each other? Why aren't guys willing to do any of the work anymore? I know it can be scary approaching a girl you find attractive, but that's what really confuses me about this whole situation. The attractive/suave ones should have the confidence to do so and the ugly/sleazy guys shouldn't. So why does it seem to be the other way around?
EDIT (I meant to include this earlier but forgot): And then the other problem is guys won't approach girls but are then intimidated by girls who approach them because it's still not 100% socially acceptable for girls to do the asking out. So I am always hesitant to approach guys because I don't want to scare them off...
So guys, please do tell - why have you become so shy lately? Why do we girls have to do so much of the work all of a sudden, and often have it not pay off because then you're "intimidated"? And, on the rare occasion you have the guts to approach us, why can't you skip the crappy pick up lines and just start an interesting conversation with us?
Comments (10)
oh goodness! that's so true, but one of those things i haven't noticed. I remember being at our school library and there were these 3 girls and a guy sitting and talking about asking a person out. The girls, obviously, said guys should always do it, while the guy said girls are capable to.
Being a girl who's asked guys out because i'm actually brave enough said, "it works both ways. Everyone wants someone else to do the work and reach out, but both are perfectly capable of asking another person out." The guy was happy while the girls seemed like "T_T why did you tell him?"
It should go both ways, guys and girls can ask another person out, and we should. Go out on that limb and if they dont want to continue to be your friend (if you happen to know them) then they weren't meant to be your friend at that time.
have courage everyone!!
~Anya
uh, yeah, i'm pretty sick of asking guys out and having it never work. i still think guys have to do the work in order to feel like men, lame as that may seem.
Haha, I just wrote about this in my own blog...but to sum up what I think, the biggest reasons are that 1, guys are indeed intimidated by the new roles that a female can assume in society, , and 2, they've grown lazy. Flowers, making house calls, chatting in the parlor, it takes a lot of work. It's much easer to whistle and such and pick up whomever responds. So guess what, women now must aspire to the heights that society has handed us. We must take charge, take control, and go after what we want (meaning, if you are interested in a guy, you should make the first move or risk losing him).
@rosiegiggles@xanga - That's not lame at all! I honestly think that even though times have changed a lot, I don't think people, at the core, have changed that much. That's part of the way I weed out the lames from the real men--real men take intitiative. Also, when a guy takes the intiative, it shows that he's interested.
I was actually reading one of the blogs on the Cosmo website and the blogger was actually complaining about the same thing! Why do women suddenly have to do all the work? I do think men have grown lazy, primarily because we (women) have allowed them to. Back in the days when men came "calling" at the house, it was because they had to. That was what women expected and that was all we would accept. Now, a guy doesn't have to do that because they know (especially if they are attractive) that even if they don't do that, they will still get a date. In fact, if they sit on their derriere long enough just looking available, eventually some woman will be desperate enough to come over and give them what they are looking for. As long as they are not forced to do anything, they won't.
I can't speak for all guys. I can only tell you from my own experience.
I am intimidated by women and have been battered by rejection. I have had a couple of women ask me out and those were interesting and learning experiences.
Approaching women with the intent to 'ask them out' is scary. It gets more scary every time I get rejected.
I have also approached women just to get to know them and have conversations with them but, they usually pay me no mind. I have female friends that I talk with often and there seems to be no problem there. I have female coworkers and they don't run away when I talk with them.
It is also hard to approach a woman when you offer up a friendly smile and they look away or have that 'do not bother me' look on their faces.
(I wouldn't consider myself handsome but I would say I'm also not in the fugly range either.)
@uwrote - I know it's hard but it's extra hard for us because society has told us that we're not supposed to do the approaching, so I understand where you're coming from but I want to encourage you to keep trying because it's much harder for women. And don't always put too much stock in "don't bother me" faces. Unless they're glaring at you or have a wedding ring on, they may not be as unapproachable as they look. I've been told I look unapproachable but I'm actually very friendly. I guess my "blank stare" is kind of a "don't bother me" look or something.
I agree its tough out there for women to be approaching a guy. The girl I first fell in love with asked me out at our school basketball game. I mean it didn't bother me at all the fact that she had the balls to come ask me out in front of my team. It worked out fine for us for a few years. It's tough for me sometimes to approach someone, I have though, some worked, others didn't. Most girls think I'm just talking to them, to get into their pants. That's not all true sometimes, some guys do just want to start a conversation, but often aren't given the chance. Many girls also think they're extremely good looking so they want the good looking guys to come approach them.
so is the compromise answer for girls to make the first move and then let the guys take over? something tells me most of them will still be too lazy even after the rejection factor has been eliminated.
@rosiegiggles@xanga - I know... I feel like that is the compromise, but you're right. If the girls start out doing the work, that's certainly not going to entice guys to do any work later. It's quite the dilemma.
@HuRtHateLoVe15@xanga - Um, of course we want the good looking guys to approach us. Nobody (guys included) ever thinks "gee, I want this really ugly person to come talk to me."
@rosiegiggles@xanga - @hopelessromantic - That would again depend on the person. I freely admit a lot of us guys will fall into that pattern where they believe they don't need to do any work. For myself, I want to feel like I am a part of the effort and later part of the relationship. So I would say don't give up on us guys either - we're not all lazy. (As I will take HR's suggestion with keep on trying regardless of the 'do not bother me' faces.)