My friend Kristen has a problem. It's an issue that we can say has caused the demise of more than one relationship: word vomit. If you're being an idiot, she'll tell you. If you're being stupid, she'll tell you. She'll blurt out things like, "uhhh, are you stupid?" if you don't know something that she thinks you're supposed to know, etc. Of course, then my best friend realizes it and apologizes - but this time her new love interest, Craig, isn't exactly taking her apology. A big whoops on Kristen's end.
Craig tells Kristen that they need a break and some space because he can't take her "childish" ways anymore and she needs to realize she is stubborn and can sometimes be a bitch. Now really, I'm not trying to be the biased best friend here, but taking a (now week long) break because someone said something that made you mad? Craig already lives five hours away and sees Kristen every other weekend, and he'd like more space?
I've gotten the hour long phone call out of Kristen, analyzing every remark she and he made and she realizes that the relationship is pretty much over. Every time she's tried to apologize and say she'll change and she realizes what she did wrong, Craig won't have it, simply replying "I need time to think."
I think the guy just needs to end it. Don't string along someone for something so minuscule. There's not much to think about and if you need this much time, you're obviously just prolonging the actual words "we need to break up."
Yes, Kristen could try and hold in her spew of inappropriate words, but Craig also could be understanding and try to help her change. Part of a relationship is learning from eachother, am I right? And from my experiences, "time off" usually just means "we're doomed now."
How do you interpret "taking time off" in a relationship? Do you think breaks really help or just make things worse? How long do you think a break should be?
Comments (46)
I don't believe in gray areas. It is either white or black in terms of relationships with me. So either we break up or we stay together and work it out. If not, why bother wasting more time and seriously, for what? For opportunity to cheat or find better options?
A break is usually a way to say "its over" without the finality of the phrase. Just in case something major changes, even though nothing ever does.
Personally, I think breaks are bologna. But, I guess in certain...ocassions(very rare) is ok to have a break. However, people need to set guidelines. For me, being on a break doesn't necessarily mean going out with other people. If I don't do it, then she shouldn't do it either. Just set guidelines before going on a break 'cause people tend to forget things and whatever relationship left goes to waste.
Kristen should find somebody that likes her quirks. It sounds like thats just the way she is, and honesty is a great quality to have as long as it's concealed at times. Taking a break for something like that is just the easier less hurtful way of saying 'I want to break up' The boy is being a pussy.
a "break" is considered a break-up most of the time.
I like breaks. & when I say "I need a break" I really do mean those words and nothing else. Yea, he may break up with her, but mayb he actually meant what he said.
A break could be as long as the 2 ppl. involved can stand it. No set rules on that.
I think taking a break is absurd.
What's the point? If you were not deeply involved enough to solidly remain in the relationship, or to not talk through your problems, why stay there in the first place? Taking a break sounds like a new way of saying "I want to try someone else out, but I don't want to call it cheating."
Sure, I've seen a relationship where a "break" has worked, but it was more of a breakup than anything. Neither person was honest in the relationship so they "took a break" and realized how much the other person actually meant, so they BOTH shaped up and came back together. They are the exception.
Breaks are pointless and worthless.
From my experiences, if you're deciding to take breaks from a relationship it's usually not a good sign that it will last much longer
meh, i don't do breaks, it's over or it's not.
but he lives five hours away, so i imagine the telephone is the main medium of communication. the things people say get a lot more important when that's the way of it. [shrug]
your friend does sound kind of childish when she says things like that, and no one likes to be called stupid.
haha i thought the break is only something that girls try to pull.
you didn't specify how long these two have been dating each other. if it's been a while, i blame the guy for not breaking up earlier. i know i wouldn't put up with your friend's crap. but i would've realized that well before getting into an exclusive relationship with her.
I don't understand the whole "taking a break" thing. Seems like just a half-assed way of breaking up altogether. My motto: Sh*t or get off the pot.
When some people are angry, they need time away from the thing that made them angry. Craig's 'thing' is your best friend's rude and snobby remarks. I know people like her, who think they're the smartest shit who hit the fan, and they lose no time in letting others know. (usually, though, they're quite stupid.)
She deserves all that's coming to her. She should be happy that he's not completely breaking things off.
If she is as 'smart' as she thinks she is, she needs to learn to stop spewing her insults. That is, if she doesn't want her b/f to keep taking time offs.
"Taking time off" to me means that "I found someone else that I'm interested in, and I don't want to cheat on you with them".
If the break is initiated consensually, then it could help. However, if only one of the two parties believe that there should be a break, then it makes things worse.
I don't think there is a time limit on a break. Depends on how much time is needed.
Taking a break is a break up that will be official until other booty is secured...If no booty is found by the end of the month, the break is over and you get back together again...
HAHAHAHA...Your friend already sounds awesome...
Send her my way...
We went on a break for 3 weeks
Like most relationship - it ended up in the dump
Whats the point of a break - when we all know its not going to work out/ last any longer
the relationship is pretty much hanging by a thread
I agree with Josiebunny. A break is just a way of saying "it's over." It's a way to try and not finalize things just in case something major changes. If they are 5 hours away from each other, I wouldn't be surprised if he has been looking for an excuse to have a "break" for a while now, in order so he wouldn't feel bad about possibly having feelings for someone else a bit closer to him. Not trying to jump to conclusions, but in my experience, "breaks" are usually a good excuse to see someone else for a while and find out if they would rather be with that other person.
Tell her to pick up her pride, and dump HIM. She should tell him that SHE'S been doing some thinking on this "break," and she's decided he's not worth waiting around on. Or something slightly snarky like that.
That way she has the upper hand and he's left a bit bewildered. In fact, he may be hoping she does it anyway, so he doesn't have to feel like the bad guy.
If a guy ever told me they needed a time out..i'd know it was over. I think that's just a way for them to get out of the relationship by being nice. Of course, i dont think it's nice to give someone the idea they'll be together again..but hey. Whatever. It's over.
there is no such thing as a break. my last girlfriend told me she wanted a break. so i pretty much decided it was over (technically it was never officially over) and i started talking with a girl i had liked at the beginning of the year. we've been dating now for a year and a half.
Breaks are garbage. Trust me, I took a bunch of breaks with my ex. It's breaking up without making it official, so that if for some reason you don't or won't find something better, you can just come back and say "well...things are better now. break's over. let's be happy!"
i just don't get the concept of a break! what are you taking a break from? why can't you talk to the other person, and then take your time to think while still being with them?
as far as i can see, a break is just being broken up for a period time anyway. and most of the time, you shouldn't get back together with someone you've broken up with, so a break doesn't really make sense. like they say, 'it's called a break-up because it's broken!'
Breaks are good sometimes! Sometimes... it's good when you're too into the reationship... and just need that time to re-collect yourself! YES! Sometimes... when you are recollecting yourself... you realize that the other person wasn't for you... and some times...you realize that you do need the other person.. and there are just things that need to be worked on. It's nice to take a breather... usually a break means... there are things that you don't like about your SO... and you just take that break to see if it's worth the fight. To answer the question... I don't think a break should take any longer than two weeks! Sometimes it's not the physicaly break... it's the mental break! BIG difference! =D
After reading the book 'He's just not that into you', Break = Break up. I think they should just end this. If they need a 'break' its not going to get fixed. She should just learn to not be so much of a 'bitch'.
But dang... I only live three hours from my boyfriend and I barely get to see him once a month :(
Time apart always helped me and the ex. But it always leaves me wondering just when we're going to get back together again... and it's stupid how we never let it be over.
Breaks are never good news, and like the consensus of the remarks on here, it usually spells the end of the relationship sooner or later.
Look at it this way: will the reason for the "break" go away when you get back together again? Probably not, so it's always going to be there. Are you constantly going to go on a "break" everytime that particular issue comes up? That's not an adult, responsible relationship, that's an immature attempt at a relationship.
@Annalyn04@xanga - bingo. Tell your friend to dump HIM. If he cant handle the honest remarks - or try and help her through it - they're better off apart. It's the quirks of our SOs that are the reason why we love them and want to be with them - even the ones that we find really annoying at times.
i didn't used to believe in breaks....but now, i think it's more a "to each their own" sort of philosophy. i've had friends who have been put on a break or gone on a break and either the significant other or my friend has wandered over to someone else and the break and relationship was over in an instant.
i was the one to put my boyfriend on a break. honestly, i was a jealous, crazy bitch and had lost control of my emotions. if you know me, which most of you don't, you'd know i'm not a very emotional person and with my bf i had apparently decided to show him the jealous, crazy emotions and hold back the happy...honestly, i'm crazy lol...i needed time to spend with myself to work on gaining control...and hey, don't think mr. bf didn't have any character traits of his own that needed some work, because he realized while on the break that he needed to change ways that he acted towards me and towards others. when i decided to drop the bomb on him that i needed a break, there was no definite time frame in mind, but it was stated that "i don't think i'll need more than two months." and that's about how long it took.
do i regret going on the break? not one bit. yeah, i could feel my heart sort of break every time i talked to him because he couldn't understand why i needed a break to work on myself instead of work on it together...believe me, we'd tried to work on issues in our relationship for solid year, with little progress....but the bonds that have filled in the cracks have become so much stronger.