Wednesday, November 19, 2008
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Help My Friend Land The Guy of His Dreams
This is a guest blog submitted by roadlesstaken. My friend has a problem and needs some advice. I've offered some help, but I'm coming to the Datingish community to see if others have more advice to give. Here's what my friend says:
"So there's this guy that doesn’t even know I exist, and I kind of have a crush on him. Call me a stalker, but I know his name, so of course, I look him up on Facebook. I read his profile, and I finally come to a realization that I want to ask this guy out on a date. However, I don't know how the heck to approach him. I'm assuming he would think I was creepy or just a huge stalker (and I admit it was kind of stalkerish of me). I've seen television shows where a guy is attracted to a girl and he just approaches her and just uses his charm to ask her out. I don't know if that works in real life, but I definitely don't have the guts to do that.
Here's another dilemma: I'm a guy. That’s the reason I looked him up on Facebook…to see if he was gay himself. I'm not your typical flamboyant gay guy (at least I don’t think I am), and neither is he (from what I've seen), so here's another question: How do I go up to him and ask him out, and to tell him that I found out he is gay? Do I even tell him that? I've never really done anything like this before.
What I'm really wondering here is how do gay guys ask other guys out without meeting them in a "gay" community, such as a bar, club or a gay organization/event? Do you just approach other guys trying to guess whether they' re gay or not?"
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Comments (30)
grow a...pair?
just tell him the best way to come off as not creepy is probably approach the guy. And start with the whole "i've noticed you from a far" shpeel.
Let's not mention anything about "stalking" him. It's normal to be curious about someone. It's like asking a friend for info or something. And this guy just happened to put the info on a website, how convenient. :P
I'm not sure the setting where you actually see this guy. Do you have any friends that are friends with that guy? You could first go on a group date, and get to know him that way.
Maybe even personally approach the guy with small talk and hopefully it'll go somewhere. After all, you only live once
GOOD LUCK! :)
@supersteller@xanga - He sees him around campus. We actually went on a sorta group date today, so my friend finally talked w/ the guy. I'll call him tonight to see what he's gonna do next
well generally, gay men are supposed to have pretty good gaydar, so he doesn't need to know you found out on facebook. But I don't think he would be that creeped out if he found out you looked him up on facebook to find out if he was gay or not. That is a logical concern and a logical way (in this day and age) of finding out that information).
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - Yay! :) I hope it works out.
It's not a biggie!! I've got the same problem with girls. Try introducing yourself first, be nice, and just talk to him. If his profile was open he obviously doesn't have problems with visitors.
It's probably not nearly as big a deal as you'd thik. Good luck!
i've had many friends in this dilemma. however they got the guts after finding out the other was gay as well. try gettin to know him first. which includes adding him on facebook. try myspace lol. watever site he possibly has. add, little by little get to know him. i dont think u shud rush into questioning whether to ask him out yet. also make sure u hint into the subject that YOUR gay. with that info at hand, he'll either back off or try to pursue. ORRRRR do what my gay best friend did, get me (a girl) to befriend the guy. of course i would earn trust, and i found out all the info for him;)
wish you luck!!!!!!
go for it! gay, straight, it all sorta comes down to the same thing. if you like some one, its better that you take a chance then think what if for the rest of your life!
This is a tough one. I think your friend should ask him if he wants to chill sometime. Do something casual, not in a "date" context. This way it's just hanging out if nothing develops, and if there's chemistry during that outing then they can see where it goes. Good luck!
lmao--This reminds me of the time a friend asked me to hang out. I'm heterosexual; I didn't know she was gay and that our hangout was actually a date until months later. True story. Even though I wasn't into her, I was flattered nonetheless!
@Lynn1013@xanga - Haha I remember that post
Ahhh! I'm going through something similar myself - I'm bisexual, so there's been countless times where I've talked to a girl I thought was cute but had no idea if she was straight or not. My friends tell me to go to gay bars, but I don't like bars as a way of meeting people. Maybe my problem is that I'm trying to meet and date girls like I date guys? lol
Anyways I would leave out the facebook thing too. Is there any was you guys might have mutual friends that you could connect to this guy through?
Either way good luck!
=]
he should just approch him..is the best way!!
and i say one of your reply u guys went on a group date!!wohoo..progress ...
hope ur fren get the guy.. =)
This is a hard one. One my guy friends has this same exact problem, he doesn't know how to approach a guy that he keeps seeing on the train. One day though, he commented on something he was wearing, I feel that this is the first step if you want to get closer to them. Compliments, it can lead to short conversations. Short conversations can lead to saying hi more often and longer conversations which can lead to possibly asking the guy out.
I wouldn't tell him that you found out that he's gay, just say your "gay-dar" knew. Don't want to seem like a stalker.
Just tell him that you're interested. He doesn't have to know that you know he's gay (or how you found out).
If you get into a relationship with him and it lasts a couple of months at least, then just tell him. You should be able to laugh it off by that point.
dont say anything about your "stalkerish" actions.
just go up to him and ask him out, just like a guy would ask a grl out kind of thing :)
when u think about it, asking a person out on a date is a flattering thing for the person. It just means that person is so hot that you would be totally attracted to him without really knowing him, right?
so.. i say.. go for it!
I say chill in a relaxed social scene couple of times, and talk to him. Then later slowly drop subtle hints that you are gay and want to go out on a date with him. I'm a straight guy, so, my method is not the most reliable one.
from what i've learned from my gay friends, they always seemed to know when they are interested in each other and just "hook up". it's weird. i guess it's good that you're doing 'background checks" to make sure that he's gay first.
@CrazyMai07@xanga - Same situation for me.
Go for it! You have nothing to lose other than a possible opportunity that is either there or isn't there...and there's only one way to find out: to go and talk to him! Wait, let me change that. You said you guys already met...so now you should just ease into getting to know each other through small talk. Eventually, you'll know whether he's interested or not...and even if he isn't, again, you have nothing to lose.
@CrazyMai07@xanga - omg SAME! I'm bi too, and it's hard enough to find a girl I'm actually into, but most of them don't swing that way and would probably be freaked out. Even with the few women I've met that I know are openly lesbian, how do you let them know you're bi without flat out saying it? gahhh so confusing... this is why I've never dated or had sex with a girl. =[
@d2H5b@xanga - Very good, I really hope my friend takes your advice. You sound like you've walked a mile in his shoes...
@Lynn1013@xanga - good suggestion :D
my gaydar is awful and i always have a good laugh at myself when i find out the guy i am flirting with is gay! hahaha
Facebook stalking is a perfectly legitimate way to find out things about someone before you really meet them. Everyone thinks it's acceptible.
Now then, I've been there. I liked a girl and I checked out her profile on Yahoo! Personals and Facebook before I actually met her. When we did meet, I just treated it like any other flirting. a couple months later, I told her I liked her and two days after that, we were dating. After we'd been dating awhile, I told her all about how I'd had a crush on her since before I'd even met her by looking at her profiles and she thought it was the cutest thing ever.
So pretty much, I reccomend that way of going about things. It's not like you have to say, "hey, saw your facebook and thought I'd like to date you" when you first meet.
Approach him the same way you'd approach a new friend. Be casual and strike up a conversation. Don't think about asking him out on a date because with the goal in mind, it'll be hard to seem not nervous. :)
Once you find out more similarities, (or even if your short conversation doesn't reveal anything you guys have in common immediately) at least you've talked to him! and that counts.
Get to know him and see if the chemistry is there.
Good luck~
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - So, what happened between the two of them? Happily ever after?