This is a guest blog submitted by niltiacmai. DISCLAIMER: I am not looking down upon stay-at-home moms or housewives (I understand that they have full time jobs as well) AND if there are any guys out there that DO help their wives, girlfriends, and moms around the house, it seems that you are a rare breed (at least around my town) and we appreciate the help.
For as long as I can remember my parents have had their individual chores around the house. My mom cooks, cleans, does the laundry and deals with anything having to do with us children all while having a full time job outside of the house. My dad, who also has a full time job, sticks to the yard work, car maintenance, house maintenance, etc. Both of my parent grew up in households where the women were expected to do the typical "housewife chores" (their words, not mine).
The thing is, my mom can mow the lawn, she can change a tire, she can change the oil in our cars AND she can do everything else that she already does (I have seen it all) but, I have NEVER witnessed my dad do a load of laundry, cook anything besides steak/TV dinners, or wash a single dish. I don't know a single grown man who is in a relationship and still does their own laundry or cooks their own dinner. It seems that the stereotype of the '50s housewife has evolved from "a woman's place is in the kitchen" to "a woman's place is in the kitchen and the garage and the backyard and the office and the..." while a small percentage of men have truly included the "womanly chores" to their resume.
Why do you think this is? Do you know of any men who defeat this stereotype?
Comments (92)
My beau, thankfully, can cook his own meals and clean after his own self. And he does his own laundry, too.
my eldr bro is a slob but my younger bro is a lot better he cooks, clean ,do laundry . wash the car and actually he is really good round the house..
crap now i feel like a slob...
I don't know why. For the most part, from what I've seen, it's true, though. However, I know I wouldn't actually mind doing most of what's traditionally considered the woman's job, except cooking, which I will force the guy to share the responsibility for. Maybe it's because a lot of women don't mind doing both types of job?
I fit into the "traditional housewife" role pretty well but the guy I'm interested in also helps around the house too. He's awesome about that.
My dad's really good with all that kind of stuff. I've seen him cook, clean, do laundry and then go mess around in the garage. Maybe that's why I never saw things as gender-role specific? I do what I have to, and so does my SO.
My beau can cook a few things, but I do the majority of the cooking. I keep the bedroom, living room and kitchen clean, he's responsible for the den/computer room and bathroom. I wash the dishes, he does the yardwork. Laundry is kind of a 50/50 split: I sort, he washes and dries, I fold. He does all the car maintenance (because honestly, I barely know which end of the key to stick into the ignition, LOL).
Our arrangement works out well for us. He's retired from the military (medically after being wounded in Iraq) and I work outside the house. By splitting up the duties, he's got stuff to keep him busy while I'm at work, but the chores he's no good at or just plain hates to do (He's hopeless with folding clothes, and I think he'd almost rather get shot again than do dishes), I deal with. And the reverse is true as well. I would rather cut my own toes off with the blunt edge of a rusted spoon while rabid dingoes chew off my eyelids than clean the bathroom. So, he does it. And of course, if one of us is ill or stressed or has a lot going on, then the other does pick up "their" jobs.
Now, if I could just get him to stop leaving his dirty socks under the coffee table, I'd be all set!
My dad has always instilled in me that a modern man should be able to cook and clean and take care of himself.
guys that blame that the women in their relationships should do the chores because they are 'traditional' are simply just, LAZY. i would much rather share the chores and have my wife / girl in my life pursue her career if she wants to. it benefits both of us this way.
I've had guy roommates, several boyfriends that spent more time at my house than their own, and just tons of guy friends. Besides my best guy friend, I have met one boy who actually helps. He and I dated for about two years, his mom never liked me, she though I wasn't good enough or something, so he spent a lot of time at my place, eventually moving in with me. But I made it clear right from the start, I told him I would cook, but he had to help with dishes and would have to do his own laundry unless he was going to throw it in with mine. So even now, even though I've moved to another state and don't see him nearly as often, when he comes over he does his part. You really have to put them in their place from the beginning. Like most women, I don't exactly mind being the housewife, and the mechanic and working full time. But it's really nice to have some help. Just giving him small tasks throughout the day and the house would be clean pretty quickly with my help. You just have to tell them that you aren't their mom and that you aren't going to be doing everything.
The 50's stereotype is pretty gay in my opinion. Unless a woman doesn't have a job, the house duties should be shared between both.
there is a guy in my sociology class who comes from a family where his mother (being a lawyer) is the primary bread winner and his dad is a stay-at-home figure. So I KNOW when he graduates, gets married and have kids, he's going to want a woman who can do as much stuff as he can; he too does laundry, makes dinners.lunches and cleans the house. My household however, is very much like your house where my dad never does any household chores unless a) my mom is sick or out of the country and b) I'm not home to do the job she does.
I've been saying forever that I won't be entering a marriage where the man would expect me to do all 'female household chores' because he's a man. I don't believe that shit; he has ten fingers and ten toes, he's not as useful as a woman is so why should he be treated differently? And this is the argument I had with my parents the times when my brother gotten away with doing NOTHING around the house.Thus nowadays, my brother is much more inclined to do some chores around the house because he has heard enough semi-feministic debates coming out of my mouth on the importance of equality and if he wants to prove he's manly, he should start by picking up after himself. The younger generation (my brother's age: 22-23) boys might be better in figuring out that cleaning the bathtub and loading the dishwasher is not a 'woman's job but it's simply work that needs to be done in a house. And leave the strict gender roles behind us... and move forward.
When my parents got married, my dad was the one who knew how to cook. He had learned from watching his parents while he was growing up & so he was the one who cooked the meals in the house for the first 5 years of their marriage. In the meantime, my mom slowly got the hang of the whole cooking deal & started experimenting [on me & my sister.. lol.] I had mentioned my paternal grandfather cooked & he's an amazing cook~ He used to insist on cooking meals for family gatherings.. & he's well into his 80s now! [AND Asian! That's pretty rare.]
My father also does his own ironing & washes the clothes & other household chores.. but ironing is all his. My mom is pretty lousy at it & my dad doesn't seem to mind. [That's the kind of marriage I want! haha. If I'm lousy in some areas, I want my future husband to be okay with it & willing to do it himself. :)]
Fortunately for me, my current boyfriend has picked up [from me] how to cook some meals & so he's capable of cooking more than hot dogs, instant noodles, & mac&cheese. My boyfriend is also really good about doing the laundry & used to invite me to join him in doing the laundry 'cause he knew how much I hated it. [It was more fun with him.. perhaps it's the company. :)] He's also pretty good about cleaning & being neat.. better than me! >.< Should we get married, I hope he continues to do these things.. although I have no doubt he won't. :)
I cook and clean the bathroom, my bf chores are dishes and our room. The rest of the house we barely use it so i clean the living room like once a week (or less if im too busy lol)
the chores are not distributed in my household very well. my mother does the laundry, does the cooking, does the cleaning. my father doesn't really contribute i think.
but....in the future, i would want chores to be distributed. it's only fair. and no, there is no such thing as gender division in chores. if you live somewhere, then it's part of the living aggreement. at least htat's what i think.
Guys seem to be responsible for chores that only need to be done on a weekly or semi-weekly basis (mowing, trash, car upkeep, etc), while women tend to do the daily chores (cooking, laundry, majority of child care, etc). That's a pretty generalized statement, and I've seen exceptions in my own house, but generally-it's pretty true.
ja many of my uncles help their wives do chores. It's a mutual thing in marriage. It's how it's suppose to be anyway.A 50-50% mutual work.
I don't know why. But this is one of the reasons I don't like the idea of getting married.
If the man wants to eat, he better learn to wash his own dishes. It's his responsibility too and if he can't do it at least half the time, he gets to use them half the time. And he isn't allowed to touch the cars, he'll break them.
This is also from someone who is dead-set on having her own career, so everything ought to be equal. I don't plan on having kids unless I adopt, and that will be as a single adoptive mother.
well...i can cook and clean.
Do my share of housework and all.
ya, my dad. he does everything. well, except laundry. Each person in the house, do their own laundry.
MY MOM DOES EVERYTHING..
the kids do, too..
SO DOES MY DAD...
my lil bro takes out the trash.
I KNOW HOW TO COOK AND ISN'T AFRAID TO GET DIRTY ;) by means, on the hands and knees scrubbing the floor AHA I'M ACTUALLY OCD =]
My boyfriend is an OCD cleaner as well. His mom taught him to do things on his own, because you never want to date a girl and not know how to cook, clean or wash your clothes.
I think its a shared work. I can to everything expect car related, the boyfriend is teaching me the small stuff for now.
It takes team work!
Xo
Well just want to say that I dont nesacarily think its a matter of not knowing how in most casses its a matter of willing to I live alone so i do all of it except laundry My work scheduale doesn't give me enough time to go do it and i dont have the equipment at my house so I drop it off do know how to do it though
Well when it comes to my dad he knows how to cook, clean, do his own laundry and everything. Really the only thing my step mom does is cook and pick up messes. lol.
I know how to take care of myself. I clean, do laundry, dishes, bedding, cooking, and anything else that needs to be done myself. But if I ever got married or moved in with someone (be it girl or guy) I would definitely make sure the chores are split. I want us to do our own laundry (if I was married Id probably just do our laundry all at once) and keep our own area's clean, and pick up our own messes.... but anything like sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, cooking, dishes, ext.... Id say we should share those.
women should cook and clean
Why? Because we live in a patriachal society. It's not because I think it, but it is a fact. I am in a Women's Studies class and we talk a lot about this issue. Even before the women's movement dating back to when women couldn't even vote, didn't have a say in anything; politics mainly.
It was always seen as men doing the outside work, jobs and politics and women doing the housework and childcare.
During WWII, while men were out fighting the war, women took over the men's jobs. It showed that women could do just as well. After the war was over and the men started coming back home, women were fired to give men back their jobs. Most women went back to doing domestic jobs. Anyone heard of Rosie the Riveter?
Even now, we're still a patriarchal society, women still are not equal to men. Do you know that we get paid 70% of what men get paid. Add it up and you get a HUGE difference. It's worse with minorities. Even with the Equal Pay Act and the Title X of the Civil Rights Act.
Not fair if you ask me. But there's a lil history lesson.
My father and husband both defeat those stereotypes. When i was growing up my mom did a lot of the housework and my dad the yardwork and maintenance, like yours, but my dad also did dishes (my mom said I cook, you clean), and vacuuming and floor washing on weekends when he had time. And as i got older saw him doing laundry more. He still won't cook though, has no interest in learning things around the kitchen, and my mom has no interest in learning meaintenance type things.
My husband doesn't really help out with the chores much because i always happen to do them during the day while he's working, but he does love to cook and do grocery shopping and errands. However, he is not a stereotypical "manly man" as he knows nothing about cars or home maintenance...thats where our dads come in. We really need to work on that...
THIS ISN'T THE DAMN PAST. THIS IS THE 21ST CENTURY. A THOUSAND YEARS LATER - THE 2000'S !!!!! WE ARE ALL EQUAL. NO MATTER WHAT SEX WE ARE! AND IF YOU GUYS, AHEM. AREN'T WILLING TO GIVE A HAND, YOU ARE GETTIN' THA BOOT. LOL