Saturday, November 15, 2008
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Dear Dr. Datingish: Does He Like Me Or Is He Playing with Me?
There is a guy that I am crazy about. We've been friends for a few months, but I keep getting mixed signals from him about what he wants.
So here's the situation. I met him in September. Actually, I've "known" him much longer - he's the friend of a friend - but we've never exclusively hung out. He's a fabulous guy - cute, funny, sweet, attentive and politically informed - all the big things!
Anyway, we started chatting and we randomly text now and then. But one night, after we'd all gone to this dinner thing -- at which he spent the entire time at my side, talking to me, paying attention to me (and I looked pretty hot, lemme tell you) -- and I dropped him off, came home and got on Facebook, he immediately started talking to me. We talked for a long time. After that, every time we saw each other, we'd talk and laugh and tease each other. It was an amazing few weeks.
One day, after we'd hung out and stuff, we were talking online and the conversation turned to relationships. I knew by this time I seriously had feelings for him, and I thought they might have been reciprocal - a lot of my friends who saw us together did, too. We were talking and lamenting about how we've had failed relationships; then he drops the bomb, "I'll find somebody when I move away after school," which automatically made me think he surely wasn't looking at ME as a potential mate then - he's a freshman!
So, I did the dumb thing and told him I really liked him. He was stunned.
He didn't say "I don't want to date you/I don't like you". I wish he had. Then I might not be so confused.
We still hang out tons. And he's always lamenting about how he can't get any girls, no one wants to sleep with him (GAAAAH), etc.
After we'd gone out chalking before election night, he was at my apartment for five hours straight, drinking a little, but laughing and talking and having an amazing time. Somehow, the conversation turned to our most recent relationships. He told me about his psycho ex who broke his heart, and I told him about my ex (he was appalled)...then somehow the conversation veered to penises...mainly, his. He proceeded to tell me he wished it was bigger, but he'd never gotten any complaints.
I wanted to be like, "well, are you gonna SHOW me?"
He mentions sex in passing a lot with me. When he saw this one guy he knew, he leaned over and said, "I totally did his sister". And that same night he told me how he had a hell of a time stuffing himself into his virgin ex-GF. He also mentions this other guy who I had a little crush on, but who turned out to be such a stupid jerk; he knew I liked him, and he brings him up a lot. He also puts himself down a lot in front of me like he wants compliments.
I feel like a rabbit. He's dangling this carrot in front of me, and I'm falling all over myself to get to him, and then he jerks it away. I keep getting vibes both ways about him liking me.
So riddle me this -- is he screwing with me? Not interested? Or just scared about the situation? He had a pretty bad experience with his last most recent girl, which leads me to believe that's the case.
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Comments (89)
Maybe he does like you...guys are never really good at expressing their emotions, and he might have feelings for you but not know how to express them without feeling embarrassed.
judging from the topics of conversation with you... i don't think he's interested. especially talking about how he stuffed himself in his ex?? why would you want to know that. and talking about his penis size? i think he's either trying to tell you that he's not interested by telling you all of these things, but also he's keeping your around to boost his ego...i.e. putting himself down so that you can put him back up. i'd say back off... stay friends, but try to lose the feelings if you can.
I think it's both, he's screwing with you because he knows that he likes you, but he's not interested in you. He sounds a bit immature though.
wel maybe he just wants to bang you, or maybe he just likes you idk. but he seems like a booty call guy always putting himself down. he sounds like a girl
Also, I wouldn't think about the situation too much...the more you think about it, the more it will stress you out. Aside from that, all the time you spend thinking about him could be better spent doing something more productive...which in turn will take your mind off of things.
wow, those are really mixed signals. You never really said what he actually said after you told him you liked him. That would help me understand him more. It is very possible he's still messed up from his last ex and is hanging out with you a lot to see if he can start gaining feelings for you. Perhaps you should make a move on him and see how he reacts. Sneak a hand hold or a kiss if you're bold. Idk, from the way you describe him I think you could do better.
To be honest....he sounds very immature. I would suggest just staying friends and take it as it comes. Good luck!
Ok. so he's bragging to you about other women he "did", saying he had a hard time "stuffing" his penis into his virgin ex-girlfriend, complaining about how he can't get a girl to you, when you have said you like him....can we say immature?
Whether he likes you or not is not the issue here. The issue is, do you really want to be with someone who shows such a disregard for your feelings? College freshmen aren't exactly known for their maturity when it comes to sex and dating, and it sounds like he's no different. (I'm not saying there aren't exceptions, just that if there are, he isn't one.)
Next time he starts saying things like that, ask him what he's trying to say with all that. It seems like he thinks he's delivering his message loud and clear, whatever it is, but if you can't figure it out through all his mixed signals, he owes you a clearer explanation.
i think this guy is weird i think he just wants someone to boost his ego or something .. and ah.. he told u he stuffed his ex gf??
This guys sounds really immature since he's telling you about the things he's done with other girls. :\ From the way you describe him, I say you deserve better.
My opinion? He's slightly interested you, but not enough to make a commitment. He's immature. He's keeping you around, like others have said, JUST to boost his ego. He knows that you like him, so if he just shows a LITTLE interest he knows you'll be wondering and won't leave. My advice? Leave him... now. He's not worth it. Do you want him talking about what he did to you the same way he's talking about "doing" his ex? *gag*
Three Facts:
1. He wants to have sex with you but is too timid to actually go at it so instead is beating around the bush (No pun intended).
2. He sounds like a major tool or douche, your pick
3. If I was there and heard all that crap, I'd probably backhand him.
-don't know you but I feel that you can do better than him...MUCH better.
sincerely,
A guys perspective.
@exclamated - Agreed on that. This guy sounds like a complete asshole.
@exclamated - @Dustin_wind@xanga - what they said.
Hm. Sort of sounds like the same situation with me. Keeping me around so he can boost his ego because he knows I have feelings for him. I'm a "back up" in a way. And I found this out recently. I stopped having feelings for him about a week or so ago. I realized that I respected myself a whole heck of a lot more than him and our "friendship" (of which he pretty much sucks at), to hurt myself anymore. I'm slowly letting him get the hint. Ignoring him and what not. IF we hang out again, I'm going to tell it to him straight. I think you should too.
@exclamated - Agreed with what you said; looks like he only wants to bang you.. but to add on that first note, he's screwing with you so you trip over your heels, and fall flat on his thing..
I'd have to echo everyone on his immaturity. You can do way better. He's the kind of guy that would go for booty calls. You deserve to be treated better. He knows of your feelings for him so he's using it to control you. He might like you but it's probably not enough 'cause he doesn't seem to care about how he's treating you, especially with the stuff he talks about around you. If he liked you & respected you enough, he wouldn't be talking about stuff like his penis size or banging other girls. I'd advise you to limit your interactions with him 'cause it's really not fair to you. This guy can't see your worth so he's not worth anymore of your time. Harsh but it gets easier. :)
By the way, he is pretty much the typical college freshman.. out looking to get some. It's pitiful 'cause you can usually spot these guys a mile away. =X There are some freshmen guys who do respect girls & relationships but they are a rare find.
If I were you, stop hanging out with him alone and anytime he putting himself down, tell him, "your exs didn't think so."
Xo
Insecure and is stuck on the attention you give him. Not you.
This guy sounds like he knows what he's doing but in the end he is very careless about what he puts out. I guy that has it together will be able to convey what he wants through body language (That's if he knows what he's doing.) and verbal communication. But if he's saying all this stuff about his ex, himself and so forth. It's real immature and not a MAN.
he's just messing with you. he's nice enough so you'll stick around even though he's talking about things better saved for people in a relationship, or the locker room heh...talking about his sexual escapades like they are nothing and then lamenting his own size screams insecurity and egoism. if he can talk that way about other people, he can and would talk that way about you. do you really want that?
he obviously has no respect for women, men, or the feelings of others (since he won't let you forget your last crush, and needles you with it whenever he can). people don't change.
this sounds like the beginning of something potentially toxic; drop this bad friend before you regret it.
I think he might like you. Don't hate me if i'm wrong though. But, the way he talks to you about sex, he might just be wanting some from you. Maybe you should go on a date with someone, and see how he reacts about it. Or start talking about other guys, as if he might have lost his chance with you.. maybe he'll realize his true feelings for you.
It's a tough call, but I wish you luck.
man of all the inappropriate things to say to a woman he barely knew. even in a lifelong friendship will guys often talk about their penis and how he used to stuff it in someone. my question is, how the hell could you like a guy like that...having two personalities, one that's charming and what not, the other a total tool!!!
open your eyes, he's not the only male on earth.
NOT INTERESTED, JUST SCREWING AROUND AND HAVING FUN WITH YA!
don't waste your time on a guy like him. you can be friends however but don't expect more.